A Preposterous Dream
by annalang
Summary: Lucius remembers a preposterous dream he had when he was young.


A Preposterous Dream

When the Last War ended, with no doubt, Lucius was put in Azkaban, for his life long time prison term. Nobody could question this decision, even he finally chose the right side. What he had done made he, Lucius Malfoy, deserved this ending.

The cell of Azkaban, like all the prison, cold, dark, without sunlight but all the dust and moss, even worse, there are Dementors everywhere, and the chill they bring, sinks deep into the bones and bloods. In that silent cell, Lucius is alive, waiting and hoping the death of himself. The lonely and boring life give him time to think. He thinks a lot and recollects something he has forgotten, like a preposterous dream he had when he was young. It is a lucid dreaming, but made no sense. It has been really long time since he had that dream, for about twenty years, maybe. He remembers that might about the time The Dark Lord gave him a muggle notebook, which almost ruined his honor as a Death Eater during the later time. He has never been told what that notebook is, but he doesn't care it anymore. This memory is just about a ridiculous dream of him. It was a quite beautiful night with a clear and bright moon, with the moonlight through the window pouring to his hair which made him shiny. He was staying in his study dealing with the Death Eater stuffs and doing performing his duty as a Malfoy. He was still a child just lost his father and he was too young to face all those political affairs. He was so tired. Helpless and powerless was surrounded him and dropped him crazy, so he decided to have a nap, just a few minute, on settee in his study.

Then he had a dream, a preposterous, meaningless dream, which he just recollected.

In his dream, there was a beautiful young boy with black hair and eyes, wearing the uniform of Hogwarts with a green insignia of Slytherin. The smile of this boy is warm and lovely, and this boy stared him like he had know him for really long time. But this boy is not familiar to Lucius. A pretty boy like this one should be easy to remember, Lucius thought, but he could non recall where or when he met this boy, even this boy looked at him with some sad and unknown feelings like they had been through a lot. It was not supposed to show in a sixteen or seventeen boy's face, causing it is just so aged and complex, but Lucius didn't notice it when he was young. At that moment, he was trying so hard to figure out whether he met this kid before.

He lay in his settee, in his dream, which just like what he did in reality at the same time. He lay in his settee in his own study. "This is ridiculous", Lucius complain soundlessly. He would never let a boy just walk in his study, no not his study, in fact, not Malfoy manor. There was so many important stuffs here and he could not boring a pretty boy here. But still, the dream was going on, even Lucius doubted it and tried to accuse how absurd it was. Perhaps this was a benefit of dreaming, that you could not decide when you waked up. And Lucius was so tried, so it might be a good idea to let himself enjoy this dream, this pretty boy.

That boy walk to the settee and gazed his eyes, for a spilt second, time stopped. And the boy fell on his knees before Lucius, and touched Lucius's cheek, and lips. Actually Lucius did not feel it because it was just a meaningless dream, which he can feel nothing. But he considered that the boy did touch his face, and his neck. He felt good because there was not a person treating him so carefully and gently like treating a piece of treasure. But it was not enough. He can not feel the boy. He can see him, but when his finger on his lips, he sensed nothing. He wanted more, but it was a dream, which was not controlled by him. And the boy, who has bright eyes, stared at him seemed having something to say. Lucius pulled a smirk on his face, and he said,:"You are not real, so just don't pretend you are."

"I am real, Lucius. Believe me, I am real."

The boy in his dream repeated those word, which made him like a joke. A boy in his dream was trying to convince him that he was real. How crazy it was, Lucius laughed, and that boy showed a despairing and grieved face. He offered his hand and wanted to fondle Lucius's hair, but he failed. Then the boy pressed close to Lucius's face to get a kiss, but he won't have one. Lucius did not feel anything, no breath, no heartbeat, and that made him disappoint.

"You are a lie. You said you are real, but you can't kiss me and I can't feel you, so just admit is, you are a fake boy in my dream, and not a good dream."

"Lucius"

It was a whisper, with sadness, and love. To Lucius surprised, he actually felt sad because of this boy. It was not normal to him to feel bad for a imaginary boy, but he felt it. He used to have some dream like this with a hot and erogenous girl or boy, but not like this, nothing happened and sad.

The boy vanished in the air and he woke up, with disappointment. He saw the moon was so bright and suddenly the mark on his arm was burning for no reason, but it reminded him to find a safe place for his lord's notebook. He hided it in the secret room in his manor, after that, he gave himself a glass of wine and he never dreams about that boy.

But he did see the boy once again, possibly four years ago, or three. A nice sunset, he was in the garden of his manor, with a mellow glass of wine, and the boy, appearing in the air, like a ghost. Lucius thought that boy was smiling to him, but he won't find it out. He broke the glass spilling the wine. He blamed himself crazy about an imaginary boy.

And now, he recollects this dream. He doesn't know the reason, but thanks to the boy in his dream, he feels his cell not that cold and desperate, but he is weaker and weaker, close to the end of his life. The life in Azkaban is hard and painful, but giving him time and space to remember some interesting things. It might be the gift from Merlin, to a goner. The past floods his mind, and his dream crosses his head, and he remember some really old secrets.

He recalls that when he was young, he had a crush on his lord. Nobody knows that and it is stupid and unrealistic, and he will never get a response.

Because he will never find out he had that response of his infatuation from Voldemort long time ago, but he will know, even the death won't tell him.


End file.
